140+ Affectionate LGBTQIA+ Nicknames

We all have friends who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual, or nonbinary – with a ton of variations and subsets. Members of this marginalized community have long experienced a feeling of being “on the outside.” It’s your responsibility to make your friends feel safe, included, and loved – and the right nickname can help.

Of course, names can be hurtful, too. While it might be fine to call your running buddy “Speedy,” it would be inappropriate to call a wheelchair-bound friend “Slowpoke.” Nicknames highlight an element of a person’s identity, and they can do this positively or negatively.

First, let’s look at some common terms associated with LGBTQIA+ people.

• “Homosexual” – This is an outdated, clinical term describing someone who experiences same-sex attraction, and it’s considered derogatory. Its abbreviated form, “homo,” is just as bad. Use “gay” instead.
• “Gay” – Used to describe a man attracted to men, but can also refer to a woman attracted to women. While this is the preferred adjective, it can be used positively (“Grant, may gay friend, is an amazing fashion guru”), neutrally (“My friend Grant is gay”), or negatively (“Don’t hang out with Grant or you might become gay too”). Use the word correctly: “Gay” does NOT mean bisexual or transgender, and it is not a synonym for “queer.”
• “Lesbian” – Used to describe a woman attracted to women or their relationship. This word is not negative unless used in a negative context (“Don’t get all lesbian on me”).
• “Fag/faggot/dyke” – These words have a history of being used in a derogatory manner and are widely considered insulting; however, you may see two gay men affectionately call each other “fag” or an activist group that incorporates the word “dyke.” In this context, it’s equivalent to Black people calling each other the “n” word or women calling each other the “b” word: Usually extremely inappropriate, it can be used in some contexts to show solidarity or affection. To be safe, it’s best to never use a derogatory term to refer to a friend, even jokingly. Many people experience trauma related to race or sexual orientation – bullying, shame, rejection, and abuse. Find affectionate nicknames that have positive connotations.
• “Queer” – Originally used to mean “strange, different,” this word came to describe same-sex attractions in an insulting way. However, “queer” has been reclaimed and is no longer considered derogatory. A person may describe themselves as “queer” if they have sexual or gender identities that do not follow the traditionally-understood “heterosexual” or “cisgender” models. It is not a synonym for “gay.” Anyone in the LGBTQIA+ community might consider themselves “queer.”

LGBTQIA+ Nicknames

Here are some Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Pansexual, Transgender, Genderqueer, Queer, Intersexed, Agender, Asexual, and Ally community nicknames:

Remember: Don’t assume your friend will like these nicknames just because they are on this list. Everyone is different. One friend might consider a nickname hurtful, and a different friend might think the same nickname is funny. It’s all about what makes your friend feel acknowledged and accepted.

Nicknames should bring friends closer together. Never make fun of your friends.

How do you know if your friend likes a nickname? Ask them how they feel about it. If they aren’t a fan, don’t take offense: just ask them what they would prefer to be called. When in doubt, just call your friend by their name.

What names did we forget to add to this list? What do your LGBTQIA+ friends like you to call them?